Hey L,
For anyone struggling with compulsive unwanted sexual behaviors, the message we often hear, especially in religious spaces, goes something like this…
- Try harder.
- Pray more.
- Resist better.
- Control yourself and don't "indulge.
It's a message rooted in the belief that recovery is mainly about self-control, strong moral willpower, and strong faith. And if you fail?
Well…
- You just didn't try hard enough.
- You weren't spiritual enough.
- You lacked the needed discipline.
But what if the issue isn't primarily about weak willpower or poor moral character?
What if the real issue lies deeper, much deeper. What if our unwanted behaviors are more related to unregulated nervous systems, maladaptive stress responses, and/or our unprocessed emotional pain?
This is the difference between seeing p*** and recovery as a matter of self-control vs. nervous system regulation.
And this basic understanding has the ability to shape your entire recovery journey direction.
Understand that will power is not a bad thing, per say. Self-control does matter and is one of the "spiritual fruits" Paul talks about in Galatians.
The truth is we all need boundaries and the ability to delay gratification. But when the dominant recovery strategy is "just say no," it often fails. Not because people are lazy or immoral, but because it ignores a core truth:
You can't white-knuckle your way through a dysregulated nervous system.
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