Hey L,
You've probably heard it a thousand times…
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
And it's one of those sayings that sounds true because there's something to it. Hardship can definitely build character. Struggle can produce resilience. Difficulty can shape us in ways that comfort never could.
But here's what that saying leaves out.
What doesn't kill you can still hurt you. Deeply.
Because sometimes the things that don't kill us leave wounds that quietly shape the way we see ourselves, relate to others, and respond to the world for years, sometimes decades, without us even realizing it.
And for a lot of guys wrestling with unwanted sexual behaviors, that's exactly what happened. Not a single devastating moment, but years of things that didn't kill them and still left a mark.
Which brings us to the idea of resilience.
Recognize that resilience isn't the same thing as toughness. It's not the ability to take a hit and feel nothing. It's not pushing through pain without blinking or grinding your way past hard things through sheer willpower.
Real resilience is the capacity to experience difficulty and still find your way back to a stable, grounded place. Therefore, it's not about being unaffected but being able to recover or bounce back.
And here's the thing about resilience: adversity alone doesn't produce it.
