Hey L,
I'll be honest. I've walked into many church small groups and/or social experiences where I wanted to leave within the first five minutes. You probably have too.
It wasn't that anyone was unfriendly. No one was rude. The chairs were set up. The coffee was out. People were smiling. On paper, everything looked fine.
But something felt off.
The conversation stayed surface-level. Safe. Polite. Predictable. We talked about schedules, weather, general updates, and maybe even "prayer requests" that never quite touched real life.
All the while, I'd be sitting there thinking, "Why am I here… and when can I leave?"
Recognize, it's not that I'm antisocial. And it's definitely not that I don't value community, social experiences, or the benefit of church-sponsored groups.
I just safeguard my time.
If I'm going to give my time to a group of people, I want it to matter. I want to leave feeling strengthened, challenged, and known rather than drained by small talk that never goes anywhere.
Surface-level interaction doesn't energize me. It exhausts me.
And my experience isn't unique.
Over the years, I've heard countless people say the same thing.
- They've been in friendships that felt deeply life-giving and others that felt draining.
- They've had accountability partners who sharpened them and others where conversations never moved past clichés.
- They've been part of communities that changed them and others that felt like obligation.
Sometimes the structure looked identical. Same setting. Same stated purpose. Yet completely different outcomes.
Ultimately, the difference isn't usually the format. It's the ingredients.
