Hey L,
It’s 2 in the morning. There you are with your pants down around your ankles, siting in the dark looking at a computer screen, wondering how the heck did I end up here?
Why do I keep doing this stuff and if there is a better way, why can’t I see it?
The truth is for many people, nobody sat you down and explained the rules when you were younger. Nobody drew you a diagram of how you’re supposed to handle pain or what you’re allowed to feel.
You just watched. And what you watched became the blueprint you’re still building from.
That’s what modeling is.
It’s the silent curriculum running in the background of every home, and it shapes us in ways that don’t always become visible until we’re adults sitting in the wreckage of a relationship or a pattern we can’t seem to break, wondering where it came from.
And so this month, in the lead-up to Father’s Day, we’re taking an honest look at that curriculum. Not to assign blame. Not to reduce every struggle to a childhood wound.
But because you can’t rewrite a blueprint you’ve never actually looked at.
Recognize that most of what your father taught you, he never said.
- You watched how he responded when things went wrong.
- You noticed what he did with stress, with anger, with sadness.
- You observed how he talked to your mother, how he treated strangers, whether he apologized, whether he ever asked for help.
You took it all in.
And at some point, usually without realizing it, you started doing the same things. Because that was the model. That was what people do.
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