Hey L,
Betrayal cuts deep. Whether it comes through infidelity, p*** use, or secret sexual behavior, discovering that someone you love has broken trust can shake you to your core.
And if you ask someone who has been through the ordeal of sexual betrayal, they will tell you that it's not just the pain of what happened but the inner questions that follow, such as:
- Why didn't I see it?
- Was I not enough?
- What does this say about me?
- Could I have prevented this from happening?
This is where shame quietly slips in.
And while we often associate shame with the person who acted out, the truth is that those who have been betrayed carry shame as well.
It's this shame that inflicts a silent, toxic burden, deeply affecting individual mental wellness and emotional healing.
Unfortunately, shame after betrayal can feel very confusing. After all, you didn't lie, cheat, or hide. But that's the nature of shame. It doesn't always follow logic. Rather, it preys on one's vulnerability.
And when betrayal shatters your sense of safety and identity, shame rushes in to fill the cracks with lies like:
- "If I were more attractive, this wouldn't have happened."
- "I must not be lovable or desirable."
- "I should have been enough."
As such, shame doesn't just hurt you emotionally. On the contrary, it distorts how you see yourself. It tells you that you're defective, that you caused this, or that you'll never be okay again.
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